Working Towards a Healthy Distance Relationship

Working Towards a Healthy Distance Relationship
By Helen T Dellomes

Distance, especially if a long one, is a real drawback in a relationship. It could end up in a homecoming or simply drifting away. In most cases where distance is getting into a couple's relationship, both must do some effort to work it out. It always takes two to tango and when one is left on the dance floor to dance with the beat, everything will soon prove to be a real show just to humor the one that stays to watch.

Though normally, people in this kind of situation find it hard to survive, the fighting-power of real love still works out magic in the end. However, we need not see things in its fairy view, but rather work out on it in a more practical sense. So we need to therefore take to take some time studying why things happen as they are? How we can prevent their happening? How we can handle the situation once we start facing it. It doesn't matter how a problem occurs or how many problems you had encountered but the real issue is how you deal with your problems.

Facing the Real Situation

At the start, it could be that you are about to be in it, you are in it or you are in the verge of getting out of it. Whatever, the case you are in, you had to face the truth that you are facing a dilemma that only you and your partner can deal with. Even in a situation where only is left to face the problem, still you need to be tough to get on with life. Everything is not permanent, no matter what happens, you got to get moving. Life does not end in a difficult situation. Just as there's always a new morning, one day you will wake up on the brighter side of the bed. It only depends on you on how long you will hang on with those worst situations in your life.

Adjusting to Drawbacks in your Relationship

Before the situation

There are several drawbacks you had to contend with while you are in a relation. A long distance relationship is always so difficult to handle especially at the start. How annoying it could be for you not to be able to see, do things or share activities with someone you love as you used to do before and suddenly everything stops because of the long distance that separates you from each other.

This kind of situation will put you and your partner on various test drive to see if you had patience, love and commitment to see through those days. Here again, you need to be more realistic and accept what life has to offer you. Be contented that you have someone to love. Know the real essence of Agape love. This does not deal only with its spiritual meaning but putting into practicality, Agape love connotes a kind of love that goes beyond time, distance and commitment. It's a kind of unconditional love. Settle your mind with the fact that you are in love with your partner and you are happy with it. It's not easy doing this. It would depend on strong you are in letting your mind control over your emotions. You need to be stronger than who you think you are to do this. But somehow, through the situation you're in at the moment, you will find out the real you.

Communication

Communication can be a great barrier in maintaining a relationship when it involves long distance to separate you. However, it depends on how you work it out to minimize if not totally eliminate problems caused by communication. Even in our modern technology today, where gadgets are out in the market to settle your communication problems, still many conflicts arises from it. Communication problems seem to hover in every corner of your relationship to instantly subject you to a test of patience. How many times had you attempted to walk out of your relationship when your partner failed to receive your calls or reply back to your text messages? Many ideas and thoughts would then run wild in your mild making you crazy as well, especially, when you are the jealous type. For both of you, you need to build up a strong communication in order to minimized arising of communication conflicts. Also establish a war plan that makes you both feel good after a fight Always remember that you are not fighting for good but just a way of settling some issues. Fighting does not necessarily mean closing the door but opening up yourself on every lesson learned after each fight. Don't feel deeply aggrieved after each fight. You may start shouting each other and end up patting each other's back. Understanding each other's difficult moods help a lot to get over with difficult situations.

Jealousy

If one of you is the jealous type, it could be very hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. You will always end up fighting over some silly matters. This can cause tension for both of you. When one is getting paranoid, conflicts may suddenly cause to ignite in the middle of any conversation. Paranoia is present especially when there is insecurity. To fight this, a little reassurance from a loved one won't hard. It's just natural for women to become paranoid when a loved one is far away and she can't see what's going on over there. A little delay in responding to a call or text would lead her to think that he's probably busy with another girl or he may have no more interest on you. Things like this hanging on your head can really create real trouble. To overcome this, your partner need to be understanding on what is going in you just as you need to understand what he is there for. Jealousy is a real relationship breaker and unless you find ways to fight this in you, you will surely end up ending your relationship.

Trust and Understanding

Build a platform of long-time relationship based on real trust and understanding. Unless you truly trust the person you love and understand the reason for your separation, you will find your relation on the rock. Conflicts will not only arise from you and your partner but also from other people.

With trust and understanding comes honesty and confidence. It just follows naturally that when one is honest and loyal to a partner, he gains much confidence in himself or herself. With this confidence, you can give your trust and understanding to your partner. But if you are the type that plays on the role of infidelity, you will never learn to trust and understand your partner. In life, attitudes always reciprocate itself. What you are doing to others will be shown back to you.

Homesickness and Loneliness

Homesickness also eats a large part of your brain. When you are longing for someone whom you can't see, your head will automatically goes back to what your partner is probably doing at the moment. If you are a positive thinker, you will be thinking of good memories but if you belong to other side of the attitude chart, you will start feeling paranoid, doubtful, jealous and ready to go into battle anytime he calls to communicate with you. It's funny to look back for reasons after each fight but as you look back, you will see that the reason that you had been fighting for is actually not with breaking the relationship which you long established.

Commit to a Healthy End Plan

A serious relationship means nothing with the absence of a real commitment. Feeling is unpredictable and may change any moment when subjected to various situations. Only real commitments can put a seal to whatever emotions and communications you had invested in your relationship.

In every healthy relation, especially serious ones, you need to have a goal. Your situation maybe is on a temporary basis but don't expect this to last for long. It may end up sooner than you expect. Create an end plan as soon as you can. Set this on a goal that can justify the stress or homesickness of being a part. When you work on a goal, it is set on a target and a specific time frame. It had a duration period. Commitment of both partners must be based on this. Think of and plan that will put an end to all the sacrifices. If you are not married, set a scheduled plan for marriage before you can go on with another plan longer than what you had started. What is important here is the fact that this plan will bind you both into a commitment and security for your successful, healthy relationship.

Distance is detrimental to every relationship. For a long distance relationship to survive, it takes both partner to have a deeper commitment that entails sacrifices. However, aside from these two factors, you need to know more of the behind-the-scene situations for you to be able to help secure your relationship.

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Wasting Your Life - Staying Together When Love Slips Away

Wasting Your Life - Staying Together When Love Slips Away
By Alexa Keating

It was 6:00 AM, again; time to start another day like the last day and every day. They rolled over and looked at each other; their eyes never meeting. Slowly, quietly and without fanfare, their love for each other had slipped away. Neither really saw the other. Their life was a routine.

She to get the children up, rush to make their breakfast and he to get dressed for work and drop them at the bus stop. There was talk, but little conversation. Just two adults seemingly programmed to perform the same tasks every day at the same time in the same house. As the door slammed and the house grew quiet, she began the daily process of cleaning up and getting dressed for her own job.

She was barely aware of the tears that fell from her eyes, dropping to the polished wood floors, shimmering like broken glass. She brushed them away; they were becoming more and more frequent and bothersome. Nothing had precipitated them; they just came every day now. She hurried to get dressed for work.

He dropped the children at the bus stop and maneuvered into the traffic, a daily routine so established he had begun to memorize the faces of the drivers of the cars he encountered. A long sigh escaped from him. He was tired, already. He had grown accustomed to feeling this way... trapped, helpless, maybe even hopeless. Sometimes he wondered what had happened, wondered when he had begun to stop dreaming about anything. He could vaguely remember being excited about approaching weekends, ball games, going shopping with his family... anything that used to be normal. It was gone. He didn't even know what was gone, but something was. The answer drifted into his mind, startling him out of the stupor he existed in these days. He simply did not care anymore.

It was necessary now to examine what he no longer cared about; not his children, not his job, not his friends. It was her, his wife. The growing realization that this was true was shocking to him. There was no big fight, nothing had really even changed. They had just slowly drifted apart, so far apart that he could barely remember being in love with her. It was shocking to acknowledge this. Their love had just slipped away; he knew they could not get it back. He knew he had to man up and say it out loud, to tell her; it was a sobering thought.

She walked into her office and closed the door quickly; her responses to the "Hello's" from her co-workers had grown clipped and unnatural. She knew she was becoming cynical; today she had realized why. The years had passed and passed, nothing had really changed, yet everything had changed. She sat in her chair and whispered to herself, "I don't want to spend any more of my life waiting to feel better, wishing things would get better, growing more and more jaded, just wasting year after year existing instead of living." She knew her life appeared perfect to many, yet she was miserable. So much so that she had grown accustomed to the tears that fell so frequently she explained them away as allergies.

They had a nice family, a nice home, a nice life. Yet there was no life there. She knew what she had to do; she knew it would cause so much upheaval and so many changes in her life and the children's lives. It was frightening, even though she saw the way out, she thought about turning around and going back to what she was planning on leaving. All those tears; she wondered if it wasn't a lot like trying to pour raindrops right back into the clouds they had fallen from; to what end? For more of the same, to look back and know that all those years had gone by just wasted; just doing time because she was afraid to make a change?

They had drifted so far apart that neither of them had wondered, for even a moment, if the other was feeling the same way. Their discussion that night was simple and straightforward. They were surprised that they both felt the same way, that there was nothing to even explain about how this had happened. They both understood precisely what had happened.

They sat down with the children, expecting an emotional meeting as they explained that they were divorcing and he was moving out. The two children sat quietly and unemotionally; the oldest finally commented out loud. "We thought you would have done that a couple of years ago."

The only real surprise was that they had not even been aware that all of their emotions, all of the love they had begun with had simply slipped away, never to be retrieved. All those years had gone by, just wasted.

Life is precious, they both acknowledged this; too precious to consciously accept a life devoid of love, shared joy or passion. Sometimes, letting go is the only available option. They began the arduous task of dismantling the fa�ade that had been their life. For them, holding on had caused the pain; letting go was the beginning of real healing.

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Altruism Vs Egotism

Altruism Vs Egotism
By Don Ray Crawford

INTRODUCTION:

H.P. Blavatsky, the co-founder of the International Theosophical Society, in her monumental writings states that if altruism was to replace the current egotism of our society civic evils and national problems would disappear overnight. The whole purpose of the Theosophical Society is to promote universal brotherhood. Its motto is: "There is no religion higher than truth." According to the tenets of the TS, the whole universe is a Whole, of which all manifested forms, including ourselves, is only a part; like the various waves that arise out of the ocean of wholeness.

DISCUSSION:

In stating her ideas regarding social reform, she emphasized that genuine changes cannot come about by the usually applied methods of legislation, special group goals, or by any other external (societal) means. Society can only change by changes wrought in individuals themselves, hopefully by being influenced by those few wiser thinkers among us. These changes must come from within by meditation or self-study, which can bring about self-actualization; the first step to truly knowing thyself, as the Oracles of the Delphi advocated centuries ago. The problems engendered in our society, which is by definition a collection of individuals, come from ignorance of our true being. Western religion teaches separateness, which is to the occultist, the "great illusion." It is this egotistical identity of each of us that brings about in our many relationships conflicts, confrontations, emotional upheavals, and selfish disregard for the welfare of others, stemming from ignorance and a failure to realize we are all connected and each soul is a part of the Over-soul, which holds us all together.

The same problems that exist between individuals also exist between nations, which share time and space on this little globe, earth, in our solar system. The sun shines on each of us equally. We all breathe the same atmospheric oxygen; all drenched by the same rain. And, in the eyes of God, each of us is equal, although we are not all equal in soul age or the level of consciousness achieved. Karma plays a role in our differences. But what western humanity needs to discover is that we each create our own futures by every thought, feeling and action we allow ourselves to experience. What is needed, and what comes from self-study, or what is sometimes called, wakefulness, is the realization we are the creators of every thought form we allow to enter into our heads; that our so-called, unsolvable problems are of our own making, and that it is just as easy, and far more relaxing, to love our neighbors than be in conflict with them. A sense of altruism is a far more realistic guide to right human relationships than is a sense of separation and egotism.

Karma results from the creation of disharmonies both within the self and between self and others. This contrasts dramatically with the aspects of our solar Logos, whose manifested forms are Love, Harmony, and Compassion. In order to work off past karma and avoid creating more karma, we need to learn to live in accordance with the Will of God, manifest and personify in our daily actions, Love, Harmony and Compassion for all other forms we share on this planet.

CONCLUSION:

Only by a change of individual attitude and overcoming our ignorance of who we are can we change society for the benefit of all living creatures. Self-knowledge helps us to realize and pass beyond who we think we are to the discovery of who we truly are. And, who we truly are, are sparks of the universal Divine flame of Life, Love and Harmony. It is only our sense of being separate beings, apart from the whole of all existence, that churns our daily efforts to want to be "somebody" in the eyes of society; that leads to undesirable ambitions for wealth and power over others, and to live the "good life" of material well-being, instead of the wiser choice to "live in spiritual being," and prepare ourselves for the real purpose of our existence on this planet. The only purpose of evolution, that medium through which the solar Logos manifests, is the continual and gradual expansion of our human consciousness and the overcoming of human ignorance and cease allowing ourselves to follow false beliefs which serve as guides for daily living. The Christ modeled for us the proper way to righteous living and "living in spiritual being." To live in Harmony, with Goodwill toward others, to Love all manifested forms, and have compassion for others, is the core of true altruism and what is considered "good." To create disharmonies, ill will toward others and engage in continual conflicts and dissensions is considered "evil. In other words, to abide by the Will of God and not our little wills, is to simply accept the inevitable and quit bucking against the flow of evolution. As it is written in Buddhism: "Evil swells the debt to pay; Good delivers and acquits; follow good, shun evil; hold sway over thyself; that is the way."

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Do You Have To Fit In?

Do You Have To Fit In?
By Natalie Jovanic

Behind the house, there were some hills covered with green grass and huge trees that gave shade when the sun was hot. The air was clean and fresh. I took a deep breath; it felt like a blessing after having spent all summer in Barcelona's sticky and humid heat. I was in the south of France. My first holidays since three years. There were about ninety people, most of them were French; some Spanish or German. I would spend the next ten days with them to meditate. I had never seen them before and felt nervous and insecure. How would it be to stay together for such a long time? How will I manage to cope with this situation?

The bell was ringing. 6 am - it was time to get up and go for the first meditation. I awkwardly crawled out of my dormitory bunk, brushed my teeth and went downstairs to the temple where we meditated. I smiled at the people at the entrance. They returned a grim look. I sat down on my zafu - the meditation cushion - and meditated. Some bird's song broke the silence every once in a while. Then, the sun rose as an amazing red ball shining directly into my face. It was a beautiful morning.

After the meditation, we went for a silent walk. I just felt happy and light. I could feel the smile on my face. The people around me walked with severe faces. For a moment, I thought whether it was inappropriate to smile. Nobody else seemed to do it. The following days, I always had a smile on my face while the others were distant and grim. I started to feel guilty and questioned myself. Was my smiling appropriate? Was there something wrong with me? Did I need to be serious because everyone else was it? One part of me feared to be criticized and rejected. What should I do? I went for a walk alone. From a distance, the people were small little dots. Why should I give up on smiling? I couldn't find a reason. I was enjoying the meditation as I always did. What was the worst thing to happen? Maybe I'd stay alone for the retreat. I could cope with this. I decided to stay true to myself and to resist my urge to adapt.

Two days later, I sat down at a different table for breakfast. I looked at the people who surrounded me. The energy at the table was joyful. We couldn't talk, yet we communicated with eye contact and smiled at each other. From that day, we spent each meal together. On the last day, a lovely elder lady from this table came to me. We hadn't talked a lot because I couldn't speak French, and she only spoke a little bit of Spanish. She gave me a flower and said, "Thank you for your smile." Suddenly, I was very happy that I hadn't listened to my fears. I didn't connect with many people but with the right ones. And I had released my survival strategy to fit in that has accompanied me since my childhood.

What are your survival strategies to fit in?

Sometimes, we learn difficult lessons in life, and we try hard to fit in. We also live in a society that tells us that there is only one standardized way to be or live. I was used to adapting and fitting in. Many years, I believed that it was the only way to be accepted and appreciated. I feared to show up as I was. I gave in to the pressure of my family or partner and fulfilled their expectations. However, with this strategy, I didn't allow myself to experience true belonging. I also didn't allow me to be happy. Belonging requires showing your true self, even if your knees may be shaking at first. You can never control what the other person will do. They may like you or hate you. That's up to them. But the people who like you as you are, are the ones you belong to.

This retreat also taught me another precious lesson. Maybe you can't see the right people at first but if you stay true to yourselves and show up the right people will find you. The nice French lady stayed in contact with me and sent me a picture she had painted that showed my smile. I felt very grateful for this present. And we are all looking for lasting bonds that nurture and support us, aren't we?

How about you?

• Do you want to belong?
• Where do you still work hard to fit in?
• How could you change this?

@women: Are you frustrated in your relationship? Get the FREE eBook "7 Questions to Show You if Your Man is the Right Match."

Natalie supports - as a Relationship Mentor - women worldwide to become courageous, compassionate and conscious in their relationships. Through their collaboration, they are empowered to face their challenges, develop new behaviours and become whole. They avoid the traps from the past and emerge as relationship heroines - happier and stronger women, proud of their scars and ready for a fabulous relationship.

She is the author of the memoir A Brave True Story.

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Is The Fear Of Being Abandoned Causing You To Put Up With People Who Are Controlling?

Relationships: Is The Fear Of Being Abandoned Causing You To Put Up With People Who Are Controlling?
By Oliver JR Cooper

There is a big difference between wanting to experience a sense of control over one's life, and wanting to control other people. When one experiences a sense of control over their life, it means that they're not going to feel as though they have no control and as though they are a victim.

This is going to allow one to feel empowered, as opposed to feeling as though things just happen and there is nothing they can do. As a result of this, their experience on this earth is going to be far more rewarding than if they were to feel completely powerless.

However, if one feels as though they have no control, it is going to be a challenge for them to enjoy life. What does or doesn't happen in their life is going to be seen as something that is out of their control.

Controlling Behaviour

In fact, when one doesn't feel as though they have any control in life, it can cause them to want to control other people. Controlling others is then a way for them to experience a sense of control.

But although it can look as though they want to control other people, controlling others is just a way for them to regulate how they feel. What they do to the people in their life is then a means to an end, and not something that is personal.

Impersonal

The people who come into contact with someone who is controlling are then going to find it hard to be themselves. This could mean that one is repelled by them or it could be something that draws them in.

If one is repelled by this kind of behaviour, it won't be a problem, but if this is something that one is drawn to, it is going to affect their wellbeing. And even though the other person's behaviour is impersonal, it won't make any difference.

Normal

For some people, it doesn't matter where they are in the world or how a relationship begins, as they will have a tendency to attract people who're controlling. This is then something that is normal and therefore the rule, as opposed to the exception, in their life.

They might believe that everyone is the same and this could cause them to feel hopeless. One might be close to people who're also in the same position and this could cause them to believe that everyone is the same.

Two Options

One could believe that they only have two options; the first option is to be in a relationship and to be controlled, and the other option is for them to avoid relationships. It then won't matter what option they choose, as they're likely to end up feeling frustrated.

This is not to say that there is anything wrong with not being in an intimate relationship, but if one is not having them to avoid being controlled, it is it naturally going to cause problems. Just as if one avoids relationships in general to stop themselves from being controlled, it is also going to lead to problems.

Trapped

So, as the need to connect with other human beings is not something that one can completely remove, they could find themselves in a relationship with someone who is controlling. And even though they feel trapped and have the need to leave the relationship, they might feel as though it is not possible for them to leave.

In the back of their mind could be how they felt when they were not in an intimate relationship and this then causes them to stay with the other person. It is then painful for them to stay with them, but they believe that it will be even more painful if they were to leave them.

More Than A Belief

To stay that they believe it will be more painful for them to leave would be an understatement; as from their experiences of being alone, they will know how painful it is. And because of how painful it is for them to be alone, being around someone who is controlling is the lesser of two evils.

On one side they can be in a relationship and feel controlled, or they can leave the relationship and end up feeling abandoned. As an adult, it is not possible for another person to abandon them, but just because someone is physically an adult, it doesn't mean they feel like one.

Abandonment

During ones early years, one didn't have the ability to regulate their emotions; so if they were left by their caregiver/s, it would have felt like the end of the world and as though they were going to die. And though being neglected during these early moments in one's life, it would have affected their ability to regulate their emotions as an adult.

Not only that, the pain that one experienced through being abandoned during their childhood would have stayed trapped in their body. As they were abandoned during these years, there wouldn't have been anyone around to allow them to process how they were feeling and so, they would have had to disconnect from their body to avoid the pain.

And in order to avoid being abandoned, it would have set one up to do everything they can to please others. One could believe that if they had a voice of their own, it would cause other people to leave them.

Reliving The Past

So if one was to leave someone who is controlling, it would trigger this early pain. This could cause one to regress and to see the other person as they would have seen their caregiver at the time - as the only person who has the ability to take their pain away.

Leaving someone who is controlling is then what one wants to do on one level, but if they do leave them their emotional experiences of the past are going to re-appear. Based on this, it is easy to see why people stay in controlling relationships and go back to them.

Awareness

All the time this emotional pain remains in one's body, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to not only attract healthy relationships, but to feel comfortable with them. And along with feeling abandoned, one can also be carrying the following feelings in their body: grief, loss, hopelessness, helplessness, shame and death.

These emotional experiences of the past that have remained frozen in one's body will need to be faced and released. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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If Love Is Painful

If Love Is Painful
By Natalie Jovanic

"I am ready for a new relationship", she said. "You may help me with this."

"O.k. Tell me more about your past relationships," I asked her.

"I had some relationships. I deeply loved them. But it never lasted long. I had to leave them. It was just too painful. They had so much baggage of their past," she continued her story.

While she spoke, I could sense the pain. When she had finished, I said:

"Listening to your story, I hear that you speak about great love and deep pain. It seems as if there is a connection. What makes you connect love with so much pain?"

Silence. Suddenly, she had tears in her eyes. "It's about my parents. Love was painful," she paused and took a breath. "I never saw this connection before. Now, I am ready to release it. I want to connect love with joy." She smiled softly. Now, she was ready to experience love in a different way.

How do you experience love?

Love is a feeling, and your childhood shapes the way how you experience it. If you connect love with positive feelings like joy, you are unlikely to read this post. But what if you connect it with pain or struggle?
It's something you should look at and heal with self-compassion. You can't change the past, but you can create a better future. Take care of this little child within you that has lived through so much pain in love. Her childhood wasn't easy. She has experienced suffering. Her parents may never have been able to give her the love she needed.

And you are a beautiful woman now, and you can give her the love she deserves. She won't receive this from anybody else. Only you can give it to her. This way she can stop to look for love in painful places. The more you nurture the relationship with your inner child with compassion, the more you will free yourself from the influences of the past. Why should you change this? I know that you were an innocent child. You didn't deserve to experience love as pain. But you can't change the past. You can only create a better future. Healing isn't obligatory. It's a choice. I walked many years on the painful path until I decided to change. Going a new path is uncomfortable and sometimes frightening. As human beings, we love our comfort zone. We may sometimes even prefer the pain we know instead of trying something new. But before you decide what to do, just consider for a moment:

How would your life change if you were lucky in love? What if love were a source of happiness and joy? Isn't this perspective worth to give it a try?

@women: Are you frustrated in your relationship? Get the FREE eBook "7 Questions to Show You if Your Man is the Right Match."

Natalie supports - as a Relationship Mentor - women worldwide to become courageous, compassionate and conscious. Through their collaboration, they are empowered to face their challenges, develop new behaviours and become whole. They avoid the traps from the past and emerge as relationship heroines - happier and stronger women, proud of their scars and ready to meet a great man.

She is the author of the memoir A Brave True Story.

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It Is the Relationship Journey That Counts

It Is the Relationship Journey That Counts
By Nathalie Himmelrich

Today in a client' session I heard myself say: A happy relationship with your partner might be your goal but it is not the purpose of (relationship) life. Let me explain.

The journey that counts

The famous quote "It's not the destination but the journey that counts" leaves some questions unanswered:

• What is on the journey?
• What specifically counts as part of the journey
• What does it really mean?

Quotes are nice but often leave a lot to personal interpretation. Let's have a look at that quote in relation to your relationship life.

Relationship struggles

Whether intimate, casual or relationships with siblings, parents, friends, colleagues, or employers - relationship are seldom easy. Even the best of friends struggle with each other, have misunderstandings or fights.

This is normal and to be expected.

Relationships, and specifically the closer they are, have the potential within themselves to trigger and bring up any unresolved issues.

On your journey with relationship you will encounter struggles, sooner or later, if you are not just leaving any relationship before it gets close enough.

You see Mum and Dad

"Whatever you do, where ever you go, you see Mum and Dad and they see you." This quotes describes transference we deal with in life on a daily basis. The person you meet might remind you of your mother or father, consciously or unconsciously and you are challenged with similar topics to those of your relationship with mother or father.

You receive the chance to finish up the business you still have open (=left unfinished) between you. These are the stops along your relationship life, which will allow you to grow personally, no matter who you are in relationship with and learning the lesson.

What's the connection between relationships and the purpose of life?

In intimate relationship, specifically with the person we feel closest, we want to be happy, understood, seen, appreciated, nurtured, loved, admired, listened to... basically have the our needs met. The goal might be this ultimate relationship. The purpose however is that the same. The purpose of your intimate relationship is to heal those wounds that have been left unattained. To become aware of them, we are triggering each other's sore points (=wounds), mostly without mal-intent or conscious knowledge.

Wounds you will encounter

There are only a few basic wounds or topic that the issues you're facing will fall under:

• Rejection
• Abandonment
• Humiliation
• Betrayal (of trust)
• Injustice

Some of those five wounds will interact or be experienced in combination.

In fact, it does not even really matter who you are relating to. If you can embrace the purpose of learning and growing while relating, any relationship will make a lot more sense.

Want to know more? Have a look at my website.

Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Counselling & Coaching' and specialises in Relationship Transformation and Grief Support. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Meta Coaching, Transformational Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment. She is also the author of the book 'Grieving Parents - Surviving Loss As A Couple'.

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How To Stop Analyzing A Man To Bring Him Closer Than Ever

How To Stop Analyzing A Man To Bring Him Closer Than Ever
By Helena Hart, M.A.

I get emails from women every day telling me that even when things are generally going well in their relationship, they still catch themselves feeling uneasy, over-thinking things and analyzing their man's every move at times - which seems to do the OPPOSITE of bring him close, it actually pushes the man further away on a very deep, subconscious level.

Women always ask me if men can tell when we analyze their words and actions or try to "figure them out" - and they want to know how to stop doing this so they can get back to feeling normal again.

I believe men can absolutely tell when we're too focused on them because it comes out in our vibe. Whether it's in the tone of our voice or the energy behind how we respond to text messages - men are extremely sensitive to this and pick up on it subconsciously.

Analyzing everything a man says or does (or DOESN'T say or do) is MENTALLY leaning forward - and what you want to do instead is lean back and inspire him to come close to YOU.

That's what will build a deep attraction with a man - since men value what they have to work for, just like we do!

If you're having a hard time staying "cool" because you're over-thinking things or trying to figure a man out, think of what a supremely confident women would do and feel in this situation - the kind of woman that men go crazy for.

That kind of woman wouldn't care so much about what he's saying, doing or not doing - since her focus would be on her own life, she wouldn't even be thinking about a man who's not right in front of her. In her mind, it's up to the man to impress HER and win her over.

Taking your focus completely OFF of a man is what creates the space for him to come towards you.

If a man's energy isn't coming towards you, what you want to do is pull your energy OFF of him. In order to do that, you're going to have to find some other things to do that will completely absorb you and occupy your time, energy, and attention.

See if you can "channel" that super confident woman inside of you when you catch yourself getting too focused on a man. This will make you unbelievably attractive to him - and cause him to instinctively want to more TOWARDS you. I know you have that energy somewhere inside of you because that's what likely attracted him (and other men) in the first place!

If you REALLY want to create feelings of intense love and desire with a man, visit www.helenahartcoaching.com. You can instantly download your FREE eBook copy of "3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want" and book a FREE 30-minute coaching session with me!

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Are You Stuck in One-Way Relationships?

Are You Stuck in One-Way Relationships?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

One of the common complaints I hear from my clients is that they listen well but they end up just listening and never being heard.

This is the issue that Ginger wrote to me about.

"I often find myself trapped in the role of being a good listener and of not being able to be honest about my own needs to be heard. I start watching for a chance to present myself and get annoyed inside if the person doesn't take an interest in me, after I have given them a lot of attention.

I always start by offering them the gift of listening. I assume that they will reciprocate. Fine if they do. Often they don't and I find myself wanting to direct the focus towards myself but feel constrained and trapped by politeness - I give myself away and this leads to feeling deflated and negative about myself and an inappropriate level of anger with the other person. How do you manage when you are with someone who is hogging the conversation?"

Ginger also stated that she grew up with a mother who taught her that her lovability depended on her being tuned into her mother's feelings, rather than to herself, which is one of the signs of a narcissistic mother.

Have you had this experience? I certainly have. I also had a narcissistic mother who wanted me to listen to and understand her but had no interest in listening to or understanding me. Growing up in a one-way relationship with a self-absorbed parent primes you to be the listener and to ignore your own feelings and needs.

When I'm in this situation, I first tune into my own feelings. Am I feeling bored? Disconnected with the other person? Is my inner child feeling neglected by me in allowing this to continue?

Then I go to my Guidance to learn what would be loving to me. Is it loving to move into an intent to learn with the other person about why this is happening? Is this relationship important enough to me to pursue resolving this issue, or would it be best for me to find a way to lovingly disengage? If I'm in a restaurant with someone and I can't just walk away, and I don't think the person would be open to exploring the issue with me, do I just reassure my inner child that I won't put her in this situation again, and try to end the meal as soon as possible?

If the other person keeps bringing the conversation back to them and my Guidance says to move into an intent to learn, I might say, "I'd really like to connect with you, but I'm finding it hard when you keep bringing the conversation back to you. There must be a good reason you do this and I'd like to understand it."

If the other person is going on and on with a monologue - not even giving me a chance to respond, and my Guidance tells me to move into an intent to learn, I might say, "I'd really like to connect with you but I can't when you talk non-stop. I'd like a dialogue, not a monologue. There must be a good reason you are doing this and I'd like to understand."

If my inner sense and my higher Guidance let me know that it's unlikely this person is going to be open, then I might spend some time in the restroom and then cut the meal short. Or, I might find a place of compassion in me for both myself and the other person - who is abandoning his or her inner child and pulling on me for attention - and compassionately listen. I let my inner child know that it is not her responsibility to take care of anyone's abandoned inner child, but that compassionately listening is what is currently in our highest good.

This is what works for me. You might want to explore what would work for you if you find yourself in a one-way relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding� healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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